Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
True strength comes from lack of pants
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
