Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
