He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
