All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He better not be in your backpack
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
