I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just had sex on a roof
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
