The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
