I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wear drunk well.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
