I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
