My liver just broke up with me...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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