I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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