i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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