Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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