paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
