god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
