I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
