It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
