I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
