I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
