Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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