did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
