i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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