Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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