i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
