your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
