i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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