Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
