I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
