Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
