It's a beautiful day for a hangover
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
