She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
