Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
