trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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