so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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