I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
