My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
