through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
