i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
