I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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