Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
