everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
