she was so not down for the gang bang
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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