I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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