I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
