Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
