My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
