We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
