I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
