it's not cheating when I paid for it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
