Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
