I love black thongs
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
