dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
